Tuesday, 29 June 2010

Working at Satree Phuket School. Cohabiting with a Phuket prostitute.


On the 12th June I celebrated 4 years away from home by drinking enough booze to sink a battleship whilst watching the England goalkeeper perform World Cup heroics against the mighty USA. I am still upset after watching the over payed dross completely fold against Germany. England? SHITE!

When I left home all that time ago, I never envisaged being away so long. It was meant to be a one year trip. It's now over four years. After every passing year it seems more and more unlikely that I'll ever make it back to Blighty at all!

I remember my Mam saying:

"Son, have a great trip, but I've got the feeling I'll never see you again."

"Divvent be daft man! I'll be back in a year Mam."

"I divvent think see son."

Unfortunately it turns out she was right since she passed away in 2008. It also means that she knew me better than I know myself???????????????


Four years ago I was on a ferry between Seydisfjordur in Eastern Iceland and Hanstholm in Northern Denmark. I'd trekked through summer snow to peer into some of Iceland's spectacular volcanoes. I had crossed the Arctic circle by boat on the way to Grimsey Island. I played footy with some kids outside my tent in Dalvik in broad daylight - despite it being after midnight. I watched fishermen haul in dolphins and small whales. I saw the earth's geothermal power as geysers and steam vents exhausted themselves into the icy cold atmosphere.

Three years ago I was nearing the end of a month in enchanting Burma. I saw the amazing temples of Bagan. I drifted down the awesome Ayerwaddy River. I trekked for four days through idyllic Burmese countryside. It is strange to see the Burmese immigrants here in Phuket. They generally perform menial jobs for pitiful pay since they are more often then not illegal. They still wear the yellow thanaka paste on their faces - making them instantly recognisable from the Thais. I normally shout 'Ming la ba' (Burmese for hello) to them which normally invokes a smile.

Two years ago I had just returned from the Philippines to Taiwan. I had survived a horrific typhoon in the Philippines. I was lucky because the ship 'MV Princess of Stars' didn't do so well and sank - costing 800 lives! Although I had survived earthquakes and typhoons, I couldn't survive being dumped by gorgeous Zi Ting. I still think about the little Taiwanese beauty from time to time.

Last year I had just completed the Thai Culture Course. Pat and I were also looking for a car. I was still settling into my new life as a Maths teacher. I was still exploring Trang having only been there a few months.

Now I am in Phuket. I have been in my new job for two months and seem to have settled in nicely. Like the title mentions, I have a new phone and a new lass.

New phone

The new Nokia 2700. Yes, it's a phone. But it has a 2MP camera. I can finally start posting pics on here again. It cost 2700bt + my old phone which isn't bad.

New lass

Here she is. This is Oi. Her real name has far too many syllables to reproduce in full here. We met two months ago on 9th May. She is from Nong Khai originally but has spent the last two years in Phang Nga. Here she is standing at the Kata viewpoint. You can see Kata and Karon beaches behind her.
Here we are together although the Russian guy taking the pic didn't understand how it might have looked better with the actual beaches in view??????

Oi on the back of my bike. She's an even better extra than the crash bars and side bags.

At the viewpoint you can heve your photo taken with an eagle shitting all over you. This seems to appeal to tourists who'll pay handsomely for the privilege.

Oi and I in Phuket's massive Big C superstore. We bought a TV/DVD, small table and two plastic chairs all for 3000bt.

Perhaps a little rash but I moved into her room on 19th June. We figured we might as well share costs since I was sleeping there most nights anyhow. We live in Rawai on the South eastern tip of Phuket Island. We often go for sunset picnics on one of the spectacular beaches nearby. This is our room. As you can see, our power shower consists of a big red bin full of water.
Although our balcony view isn't too bad. I love sitting here drinking a coffee in the morning after a refreshing shower. This room costs us 3000bt/month.
The drive down Phuket's South West coast from Patong to Rawai is fantastic. I love to cruise along the winding mountainous road which passes through luxurious dense jungle yet still affording glimpses of immaculate tropical seas below. Oi and I ate a shark curry in one clifftop restaurant last week.

Elephants are everywhere. In case tourists haven't been fleeced enough in the bars and restaurants here, there are more budding entrepreneurs willing to separate them from their mountains of cash. We all know that all Caucasians are millionaires and many Thais seem to really believe this, therefore, they are not shy about gouging you in certain situations. This elephant riding bollicks appears to be another example of this in my humble opinion.

I'd had the phone all of 3 hours by the time I'd buggered it. I messed up a security PIN and I needed to enter a PUK? The PUK is on the SIM card bit you throw away. I had to go to a shop where this nice lady below sorted it out for me.

Here's a random office shot. There are many more Westerners here than in Trang. In Trang there was four. Here there are twenty!!

These reprobates are M5. They are 17 years old and I have to try and get Maths into their skulls. Oi and I went to watch the A-Team at the cinema last weekend. Two rows in front of us were about 10 of these kids! It was nice to see them out of their dumpy uniforms and in normal casual gear. They looked really cool. The A-Team was excellent by the way (if you haven't seen it).

This is M2. They are 13 years old. These kids are by far my most challenging. Trying to control them is like trying to herd cats. They are lovely on an individual basis but as a group they morph into some kind of Orwellian nightmare. I suppose things like group dynamics and synergy are coming into play here!

This is my current boss (Ajarn Charoon) and I discussing the finer points of the EPL fixture list. He simply refuses to believe that NUFC will do the double over CFC next season - idiot!

If you wanna eat in our local restaurant you'll have to navigate this crazy menu:
Another crash

After a night in ICON disco (open 0200-0700) we decided that Oi was less drunk than me and that she should ride my bike home with me on the back. It turns out she was far more wasted than me (and that's saying something) because as she negotiated a sharp corner she veered off the road and into the bush. We both came flying off the bike and were lucky to miss the coconut trees. We were also lucky to escape with only scrapes and bruises. It could've been a lot worse.
Gok Gloi
Just North of Phuket Island is a town called Gok Gloi in Phang Nga province. We spent a day visiting Oi's old friends. We ate Isaan food and played cards all day while downing cheap bottles of Leo beer from the nearby shop. It was a nice day. We found a great Hotel with beautiful rooms for only 300bt/night.
Rob and Nicky's party
One day after moving into Oi's room I went to a Saturday night party at Rob and Nicky's amazing house in Khatu. Rob and Nicky are married teachers from Yorkshire. They've been in Thailand two years. All the guys from the school were there. Some played volleyball in their pool while others consumed an impressive amount of liquor. We have a Japanese teacher here and we also watched Japan v Holland as the night wore on.
Oi ended up having some kind of mental breakdown and stormed out of the party early. I later received a call informing me all my clothes had been thrown over the balcony and she'd changed the locks! This is after only one night living together!
I ended up sleeping on a sofa as the party subsided.
Gogo bars and Kata
I woke up early Sunday at 1000. We (me and another lass who also slept over) cleaned the house while the hosts lay comatose in bed (it took ages given the cans and bottles strewn everywhere). After sharing many roll-ups and cups of tea I headed to Patong for an afternoon hair-of-the-dog. I ended up in Rock Hard A-Go-Go which opens at 1400. I had a few beers while watching the bikini-clad beauties gyrating on a raised stage. I remember thinking things like:
"You can't do this on a Sunday afternoon in Trang"
"You can't do this on a Sunday afternoon in Pegswood"
"Life doesn't get much better than this"
I was passing through Kata on my way home Sunday night when a cluster of bars sidetracked me. I ended up drinking in one until 0500 after which I collapsed on a bar sofa. I woke up on Monday at midday with a head like Birkenhead. I headed home and faced the girlfriend's wrath. For some reason she was far from happy with my conduct during the preceeding 48hrs?
I've learnt the Thai for theft = kamoi.
Some bastard's been stealing my petrol. Unfortunately, this is a very easy thing to do from my bike. This has only started happening since I moved in with Oi. I'll have to watch myself.
I get payed tomorrow - yipee!
Keep living the dream!
Hom - smell good
Men - smell bad

1 comment:

  1. Pretty lass. Watch your alcohol intake. You don't want to have health problems later in life. Really enjoy your blog though.


Please be nice.